he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
