I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
