There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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