No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
