Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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