We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
