where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The maid of honor just puked.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
