We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pooping to opera.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
