Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
