did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
