When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
