it wasn't lemon gatorade
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
