My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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