The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
