my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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