dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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