you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
