Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
