my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
