I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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