just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
