Swine flu. Run for my life!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
