the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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