you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she smelled like a LAN party
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
