Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
