sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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