this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Randomize
