She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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