question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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