so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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