the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
