i think my tv is drunk
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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