We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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