My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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