Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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