I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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