Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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