True but thats because hes a fetus.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
