I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
