rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
