In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
