I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
