You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
