i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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