Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
