you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
