I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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