Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
