Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
