The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
