beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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