Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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