Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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