Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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