My room smells like vodka and shame
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
