I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
