Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
